The following quotes were taken from ACTUAL medical records as dictated by physicians and healthcare professionals (not yours, I hope):
 

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1994.

Patient was released to outpatient dept. without dressing.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly.  She also appears to be depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Smith to dispose of him.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 y.o. male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

He is numb from his toes down.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.